Malaysia: 'The Tourist' improved by subtitles

The journey on the Aeroline coach from Kuala Lumpur took an extra hour today due to a storm outside of the city, necessitating a fiddle with the entertainment system. The alleged comedic value of the somewhat forgettable film, 'The Tourist' had been enhanced by a mixture of Russian, but mostly English, subtitles (on an English language film?). Subtitles are shown in orange below.

The hotel receptionist walks Elise Clifton-Ward (Angelina Jolie) and Frank Tupelo (Johnny Depp) to their room in the very smart Danieli hotel in Venice:

RECEPTIONIST
We are entering the Doge’s suite…
We have answering the toolin switch.
RECEPTIONIST
…a room that’s been a home…

now sir, I waiting it at home.

RECEPTIONIST
…away from home for…
Wait for home for it. 
RECEPTIONIST
…Marcel Proust and Honoré de Balzac
Myself goes and is both side. 
RECEPTIONIST
Have a nice stay, sir.
Try ny face at…...

Russian baddies land at a private airstrip in an executive jet.

VILLAIN
You know he’ll be with her
that right will be with them… 
VILLAIN
They’ll be staying at one of the grand hotels…
May be stay in the grand hotel. 
VILLAIN
…the Gritti (?), the Regina, the Dalieli.
We out them in Gina and time... 
VILLAIN
I want you to keep a watch on all of them.
I want you came by all of them.
VILLAIN
You can kill the girl but you can’t kill him…
kill the girl but you can’t kill him. 
VILLAIN
…not until I have my money, that is.
Let them is many of this.

Back at the hotel, Frank stands on the balcony in a daze. Elise opens the bedroom door dressed expensively.

FRANK
Fuck.
Wow. 
FRANK
You’re ravenous.
you relevance... 
ELISE
Do you mean ravishing?
Do you mean revesion? 
FRANK
I do.
Yeah. 
ELISE
You’re ravenous.
You are revelance. 
FRANK
I am
No subtitle.

In the hotel restaurant..

ELISE
The scampi and champagne risotto, please.
No subtitle.
WAITER
Excellent choice.
No subtitle.
FRANK
He didn’t say that to me.
No subtitle.
FRANK
Did he not like my choice?
No subtitle. 
ELISE
You’re choice was excellent.
Your cholsels next this…..

Frank quizzes Elise about her past:

FRANK
Who is he?
Who is it? 
FRANK
Hotels don’t leave gifts like that, do they?
Who told you be like that.
FRANK
Who is he?
No subtitle.
ELISE
He’s someone who used to be very important to me.
Someone here with very…. 
FRANK
Used to?
Used to….
FRANK
Are you meeting him in Venice?
I name on that…..
ELISE
I hope so.
No subtitle.
ELISE
Part of me hopes I don’t.
No subtitle.
FRANK
Why?
No subtitle.
ELISE
Because I don’t like being told what to do.
[Subtitle flashed up too quickly] 
ELISE
…I don’t like being summoned...
I don’t like to be someone.
ELISE
...but it felt even worse not hearing from him for two years
Was oin Filty world..
ELISE (Fiddling with bracelet)
It's the Roman God, em, Janus.
No subtitle.
ELISE
My mother gave it to me when I was little.
My mother gave it to me.
ELISE
She wanted it to teach me that people have two sides.
She want to teach me to grab to sign. 
ELISE
Good side, bad side, a past, a future
Good sign bad sign. 
ELISE
…and that we must embrace both in someone we love…
Part of the future and then we must get face service… 
ELISE 
...and I tried.
And I try..
FRANK
What’s he like?
What you like…...
ELISE
He’s different from anybody I know.
Different, everybody I know. 
FRANK
Different’s good.
They from good..
FRANK
Where I come from, it’s a compliment.
where I come from is conforment. 
FRANK
To say a person is down to earth
Is try to press whole, is see to done work….
WAITER
Would you like another Americano?
Would you like another count? 
ELISE
I don’t know…..darling?
I don’t know, we joining?